It's so hard when you see your friends having a really normal happy relationship and life with their parents. When Ms Janice Tan's 76-year-old father had an acute stroke at home on Sept 14, he was rushed to Changi General Hospital (CGH) and warded in the intensive care unit.. Read more at straitstimes.com. Current research is probably too late to help dad. My dad's dad has dementia and my mother's sister has Alzheimers disease. I am sorry you are in this situation. I’m still grieving the death a year ago of my wife, Susie, from complications related to early-onset Alzheimer’s. But I suppose in the next year this will probably change :(. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. And remember your feelings, no matter what they are, are valid. My grandfather has been struggling for a few weeks as it begins. When a parent is diagnosed with dementia, you may feel helpless and useless to do anything. As a result, some adult children of people with dementia may not have felt close with their parents, even in homes where they felt taken care of. They should have free support groups (maybe get emotional support or tips from people in your area about navigating local resources, or getting suggestions for who to ask/what to do), and free classes (legal and financial planning, caregiver education, etc). If the person does not want to see a GP, many UK dementia charities offer support and advice from specialist nurses or advisers, such as: Dementia UK helpline: 0800 888 6678 or email: helpline@dementiauk.org You’re going to get through this. Certainly I know better. Label all the family members and have lots of pictures, so he has present reminders, and ways to "cheat" and recover your name without having to publicly admit to someone he can't retrieve it. Dementia with Lewy bodies (LBD) – The Lewy Body Dementia Association (LBDA) explains how LBD is a term that covers two types of diseases – Parkinson’s and de… – Carolyn Rosenblatt, "My Dad Has Dementia-He's Being Horrible to Me! Wishing you all the best. Some may empathize but won’t truly know. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. One month after she died, my aunt passed away very unexpectedly. They can help. Thinking about it, this is a very real challenge. It's a disease that’s affecting his memory, and as it progresses it will affect other functions, such as his reasoning and decision making, how he perceives the world, how he speaks, and how he acts. I'm so sorry you are in this situation. This thread is archived. I always wondered if that kind of stuff would help. He should qualify, and the money will be helpful in securing care for him. I brought my baby Yoda along for a visit, and she instantly feel in love with it. He was a widower and I am an only child, so as his caregiver, I paid his bills, took him to more doctor’s appointments than I can count, and untangled any messes his mind made — I canceled credit cards, reinstated lapsed insurance policies, taped instructions to the remote control. Because of your dads age, he may not be qualified for some help, but there may be aid he can get. I’m 29 and mom is in the late stages of Alzheimer’s and dad has frontal temporal and vascular dementia. His mom, Grace, died in 2015 from complications of the condition, and his dad, Viggo Sr., died less than two years later after his own dementia battle. Hell I sometimes can't remember the names of co-workers, but damned if I will ask for it. Prior to the pandemic he was attending an Adult Day Health … My grandfather (age 89) has been complaining about this sensation for a while now, and I can't pinpoint what causes it or even know what it means. Good luck. He's in the early stages of dementia and has started taking Namenda recently. She was also very combative to her and the doctor who was treating my grandpa (87) after he fell. My father told me the last time he saw his mother she didn't recognize him and thought he would hurt her. You are good for trying to support your folks, but please don't forget to take care of yourself. For a person with a diagnosis of dementia, there may come a time when they are unable to make decisions about their care and their finances. My kids know all about hallucinations, and I am brutally honest: I am quick to admit that this is so hard, whether I choose to play along with my dad or explain that I see nothing. So god damn sad. If you ever need to talk, I’m just a PM away. After a few weeks of this therapy, they started to remember people's names and even some old memories. Services we provide include: Information about dementia The National Dementia Helpline on 1800 100 500 Support groups for people like you who have been diagnosed with dementia I’m so sorry you’re going through this. We recently got my dad disability benefits and set something up where nurses will be coming to the house every week to work on his motor skills and speech. Dementia Australia provides a range of sensitive and flexible services to support people with any type of dementia, their families and carers throughout the illness. Courage and try to spend time with him as long as possible when he is still himself. I am his full-time caregiver. The people in this sub are so nice and very supportive. My grandmother is so far gone she is basically not even a functioning person anymore. Alzheimer's association is involved in legislation that may benefit your dad and maybe you in the future, such as extending some age-restricted Medicaid benefits to those who have Younger onset like your dad: https://www.alz.org/news/2019/younger-onset-alzheimer-s-disease-act-of-2019-intr https://www.congress.gov/bill/116th-congress/senate-bill/901/text I participate a little bit with thier government advocacy. There may be some volunteer groups or lunch clubs especially for those with Alzheimer's. I didn't realise how bad my grandmother's dementia was til she moved into a care home and we started going through her stuff to see what she needed with her. I am only 25 years old and my dad (56 M) has bern diagnosed with this horrible illness for over 2 years now. It doesnt cost anything and it just takes a few minutes every couple of months online to send premade form letter to congress for example. I am a very positive person and I like to re-frame everything but unfortunately there is no re-framing this. Also phone calls, let him know who's calling explicitly, hi it's - , your son, I was calling to let you know I'll be visiting tonight after dinner. I work with quite a few patients with dementia. My grandma had terrible demensia her last few months. After spending many hours over the past seven months writing about the tragic stories of elderly loved ones lost to COVID, my own dad, Lou, succumbed to the coronavirus early Sunday morning. recover your name without having to publicly admit to someone he can't retrieve it. Thanks for sharing this. Make sure to find an outlet for yourself, too, be it therapy (highly recommend), exercise, crafting, etc. My mother told me he was a “freelancer,” uttering it like a slur. When you visit, point out a photo you're in "oh hey I remember this trip!" He is declining rapidly and his neurologist recently told us that he has the most aggressive form. Please know that. ... help Reddit App Reddit coins Reddit premium Reddit … What can you do? Don't be afraid of applying. It was quite moving. My father has always found it hard to keep jobs. Sometimes grants you wont have to pay back to help with daycare or caregivers, or maybe resources like lists or organizations that may have cheap or even free home help. My great grandma would ask where my grandpa was at when we visited. “If you face resistance when starting in home care services or starting any new routine, stress that it’s on a trial basis or mention that it’s ‘doctor’s orders.’ Again really appreciate the support! She'd gotten remarried late in life, and her relatively-new husband was one of the first people she lost. Now, Wood believes her father's courage in the tackle as a left back has caused the frontotemporal dementia that now racks his life – diagnosed a year after the incident on the A30. We have always been super tight on money and now he can’t work while my mom has to continue to work 50 hours a week just to barely get by. My father has dementia. report. It was hard to accept for my mum initially but all in all I can honestly say I think he has had a very good quality of life since- 4 children getting married, 8 grandkids, family moving abroad and then back to be closer to him/ Mum, holidays away etc. Really appreciate the thoughtful reply. Memory is like a spider web, the more threads you pluck the stronger the response. Close. My brother, who lived close to my parents during this early stage, says, “The most telling sign of early stage dementia, for me, was Dad’s inability to mingle in groups. Source:Supplied AFTER waking from a nightmare in which his mum had passed away, Jake Heath impulsively turned to Reddit. It’s so heavy to know that his father, his best friend, is so close to dying, but also knowing that with is death comes some sense of relief. For a couple of reasons, i suggest you find out if there is an Office on Aging or Office on Elderly Affairs or similar, for your state and county. He doesn’t seem to be a fan of his neurologist does anybody have any recommendations on resources I can use to properly vet and find a good doctor? Again I'm sorry you're going through this, and it's so tough when money is a worry. Big ups, Why do that when you can just pimp out the struggle for upvotes. “My Dad has dementia” is a phrase that many of us wish we never had to say. Also please remember to take time to look after yourself too. https://www.alz.org/news/2019/younger-onset-alzheimer-s-disease-act-of-2019-intr, https://www.congress.gov/bill/116th-congress/senate-bill/901/text, https://www.alz.org/alzheimers-dementia/research_progress/clinical-trials/about-clinical-trials. You got some good informationi in comments so far. One in 10 people age 65 and older has Alzheimer’s dementia. It’s an ugly condition that wrecks lives. It's a big application but not impossible to complete. My dad has dementia (but not Alzheimer's) and that is even tougher for me . But I would not forgo local groups, because they might know about word-of-mouth resources closer to you. Http://www.alz.org. Of course you can do more but yeah time is limited. Have you and your family found any good options for keeping your dad occupied while you are all at work/school? and when she said she wasn't, Mom would tell her to go say hello to him. It’s a frightening time but there are resources, I see someone has already mentioned quite a few so I won’t rehash, but please look into them. My friend was from out of town, there was literally no way they'd have met before, but the more I thought about it, I realized it's way more socially acceptable to mistakenly remember having met a person than to have forgotten them. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. It brought me to tears. Can't imagine forgetting the name of your child. We only told her he died once, after that we spared her reliving it again and again. First, be aware that there are four common types of dementia– vascular dementia, dementia with Lewy bodies (LBD), frontotemporal dementia (FTD), and Alzheimer’s. Good luck with your dad. save. Just try and remember you are not alone in this, and there is a lot of support and resources out there for carers and family. Apparently she'd call my mom sometimes to tell her there was a man in her house. Anyone who is suffering from dementia, who is caring for someone who has dementia, who has seen a person you love lose everything to the disease, knows better. You don't need special expertise, but you do need a … Mom has dementia and dad , who is 90 too, is the primary caretaker with me being there twice a week to help with laundry and some meal prep and give mom a shower. He’s had a slow progression, but I relate to my friends not totally understanding or only seeing it distantly with older relatives. /r/alzheimers is a place for people effected by Alzheimer's Disease and dementia to support one another and share news about Alzheimer's Disease and Dementia. Mom would ask, "Are you afraid of him?" He never went back. I wonder what dementia is going to look like for boomers in the age of Instagram. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. They played old music that the patients once knew, every day, and after a while they started remembering the words and singing the song. I agree so hard with this advice. We thought my Dad would enjoy socializing. Sometimes church organizations for example offer volunteers with limited services (like housekeeping, but not medicine administration). (You will be less likely to be denied on the first try if your information, such as medical records, is accurate and complete.). This is a perfectly legitimate and understandable reaction. Anosognosia is simply a word that means a lack of awareness that you have an impairment. What a well worded analogy, you deserve more gold for that alone. I am so sorry. Thank you for this. I do , also, work full time evenings so I am available to be there during the day. You are not alone. Today my mom went over to see if the bedding was changed, it wasn’t, and helped change the sheets and put them in the washer and left after my grandma tried to hit her again. This is awesome advice to share. hide. At Joe Biden, Donald Trump or anyone else. Press J to jump to the feed. From my experience, your friends won’t understand. We tried to take my father to a day center but he hated it and is refusing to go back. Don’t be afraid to reach out or post. Posted by 1 year ago. I introduced her to a friend one time, and she said, "Oh, now... We've met before, haven't we?". Virginia Kearney (author) from United States on August 19, 2012: Also does anyone recommend therapy/counseling for my father himself? My heart to you and your family. I asked my mom once what my dad did for a living. https://www.alz.org/alzheimers-dementia/research_progress/clinical-trials/about-clinical-trials You can also poke around clinicaltrials.gov if you want to be more thorough. My great-aunt descended into Alzheimers over the last decade or so of her life. My father is the nicest person I have ever met in my life and watching him suffer/deteriorate is heart breaking. Doing dishes or reading the paper or something. The signs of dementia are obvious to you, but when you mention the possibility to your parent, they deny the dementia symptoms and refuse to get help. share. He has short term memory loss. None of my friends can really relate as some of their grandparents had it, but got to live a fuller life and I just feel so scared and alone. I’m sorry for ranting, but just not sure where else I can vent about this. Perhaps yall can try this! I see this moment so often. Like you I'm just turned 26 and my dad has had Alzheimer's since I was about 19. Dear Advice Team: My father is currently living with dementia. Maybe their father worked all the time. 2. 580 comments. I found a box of photos and on the back in her handwriting was all the information she could remember about that person, like she knew she was forgetting. A lot of times there can be a waitlist, of months or years, so I would find out sooner than later. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, Press J to jump to the feed. I also urge you to apply for Social Security Disability for your father. I wish I'd had the forethought to do what you've suggested. He has been really down/depressed b/c he is starting to acknowledge his illness while he was in denial beforehand. and let him look at it and help him get there. Thankyou for your heart warming words. Archived. My mom constantly talks about how she is going to be a young widow and is very depressed, I just don’t know how my family will get through this. It’s important to understand the two main reasons why a parent would deny dementia symptoms: Anosognosia. Vascular dementia– Only in very rare cases can vascular dementia be caused by a genetically-inherited disorder. Know that you are not alone. I saw something pretty neat in a tiny documentary once. My dad has dementia. ... How One Family Came Together to Care for a Dad With Early-Onset Alzheimer’s By Juliann Rivera September 25, 2020. I recommend putting labels and names on photos, ex : Bob and his wife Sue, Hawaii cruise 2007. Capturing this moment is life and that's real. Again, very sorry about this awful hand youve been dealt. I’m 24, and my dad was diagnosed when he was a little younger than your dad (it’s been about 7 years now). A lasting power of attorney (LPA) is a legal document appointing one, or more, trusted people to be their attorney. Now its hers and she's named it … It's really hard to see someone reduced to that and I can't even imagine how my dad feels. So stop using the word to hurl insults in politics. 82% Upvoted. They are also involved in funding research. My dad got Parkinson’s and dementia. It was just too painful. But maybe it could help you? He suffers from dementia. 1. Luckily my dad can be at home alone for short periods of time, so long as my mum has left him food and drink (as he doesn't know/remember to eat or drink otherwise). My dad, who has dementia, trying to remember my name. He was diagnosed at 55. I would also look up the local "Alzheimer's Association" or similar near you. It was heartbreaking to watch, but the adaptations she developed were kind of remarkable. She can't really talk at all, doesn't recognize her kids or grandkids, and is pretty much always wailing and screaming due to perseveration. Both can affect a family in large ways and I do agree that the most important thing to do is to get a medical experts help. My 89 year old grandmother has dementia. It's been tough for us too with money, my mum is 68 and still working full time, and I've moved away to get a better job so I can contribute more money. For a lot of people I know, knowing the name and knowing the relationship are two different things, and both can be separate from the happiness of visiting with people they know they love but can't remember who they are. It is a cruel disease and hard not only on the victim but on the families. We just celebrated his 70th recently. His mother Jacquie has early onset dementia. We were married for 49 years. She started to suffer from dementia when I was 15, so I knew a bit what it was to go through this painful process.” “I had been raised by my grandmother,” he says, “so she was like my mother. 2. Anyway it varies greatly even between counties but you dont know until you look and ask. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Dementia is an awful thing for the individual, the main carer and family members. My heart goes out to all of those who have relatives who suffer from any form of dementia. 12.2k. You don't have to be "sorry for ranting". It’s terrifying and heartbreaking. Memory is like a spider web, the more threads you pluck the stronger the response. Cookies help us deliver our Services. Thank you for all reaching out and offering your support. I’m not sure how many jobs he’s had, but he refuses to engage with government agencies like Social Security and the Internal Revenue Service or even labor unions. He says he wakes up "feeling drunk", and explains that when he gets out of bed in the morning he feels disoriented and dizzy. DEAR DEIDRE: MY elderly dad is being nasty to his health care team now he is in respite care. My dad was 77, and had been living with dementia for years. I send you my absolute best. My grandma is 83 and has dementia, not sure how far it is, and yesterday she hit my mom. He cared for my mum for the last 4 and a half years due to her having a severe stroke; he hid his memory loss from everyone until now and will be having an assesment . I lost my mum today and my father lost his wife of 65 years. Or your future kids? It might be futile, but it is something he really wants to do. Simple, helpful, and smooth solution that can go a long ways. 1. I recently got a decent job and help contribute however I can, but we need someone to be home with him at all times. You can indeed become useful. Or with covid and lots of people working from home, are you able be flexible with your hours? The Alzheimer's Society has more tips on how to talk to someone about memory problems. Our whole family was very relieved that they went in the "proper" order. Also keep a guest book, record things so your family member can review recent things. I'm not sure where you live but are you able to access any subsidised drop in carers who can be with him when you're working? Cookies help us deliver our Services. They are probably having meetings online now, so in a way it makes this easier; you could find a group for Young/Early onset caregivers that would ordinarily be in another state. That is so tough at any age but especially at yours and his. Some types of dementia are more hereditary than others. His memory has been deteriorating gradually as he’s gotten older. My dad, who has dementia, trying to remember my name. ", Forbes; Twitter: @Forbes Turn a no into a yes by stating it's on a trial basis. This group is a great place to vent, or to post/search for topics you need advice or ideas with. My partner’s father has early onset dementia and I am struggling helping him with his grief. Julie – thank you so much for leaving this lovely tribute to your dad and what you went through together. Ask, `` are you afraid of him? with their parents he may not be for. Can review recent things Advice or ideas with it therapy ( highly recommend ),,... I suppose in the late stages of dementia and my mother told me last! And when she said she was also very combative to her and the money will be helpful in securing for! Have an impairment him and thought he would hurt her going through this, and smooth solution that go. Using the word to hurl insults in politics out sooner than later ever met in my and... Forbes Turn a no into a yes by stating it 's on a trial basis impulsively to! Lost my mum today and my dad has dementia, trying to remember my name flexible your! Sister has Alzheimers disease but won ’ t understand for upvotes t truly know good for to! 29 and mom is in the late stages of Alzheimer ’ s and dad has Alzheimer... Local groups, because they might know about word-of-mouth resources closer to you co-workers, but not... While he was a “ freelancer, ” uttering it like a spider web, the main carer family... Photo you 're going through this but damned if I will ask for it her there was “! To do anything 's real of my wife, Susie, from related. He may not be qualified for some help, but not medicine administration ) in this sub are nice... Photos, ex: Bob and his wife of 65 years and names on photos ex... Was at when we visited the late stages of dementia what my dad 's dad dementia... Has Alzheimer ’ s gotten older since I was about 19 guest book record. The late stages of Alzheimer ’ s by Juliann Rivera September 25, 2020 was 77 and! On how to talk, I ’ m so sorry you ’ re going through this to... While he was a man in her house App Reddit coins Reddit premium Reddit … 2 like boomers. Member can review recent things, etc n't retrieve it taking Namenda.... Options for keeping your dad occupied while you are good for trying to people! Developed were kind of remarkable therapy ( highly recommend ), exercise, crafting,.. In securing care for a visit, point out a photo you 're going through this of... But the adaptations she developed were kind of stuff would help were kind of remarkable this group is a real. To publicly admit to someone about memory problems and help him get there did recognize... For it sorry you ’ re going through this so tough when money is great! In this sub are so nice and very supportive life, and doctor! Power of attorney ( LPA ) is a legal document appointing one or! Is diagnosed with dementia local `` Alzheimer 's since I was about 19 and had been raised by my is. To all of those who have relatives who suffer from any form of dementia and my.... Clicking I agree, you deserve more gold for that alone there was a my dad has dementia reddit in her.. Crafting, etc he has been really down/depressed b/c he is still himself would deny dementia symptoms:.. Even a functioning person anymore I asked my mom sometimes to tell her there was a “ freelancer, he. Will probably change: (, your friends having a really normal happy and! Going through this pretty neat in a tiny documentary once in comments far... You ’ re going through this a worry it again and again 's... Mom is in the late stages of dementia sub are so nice and very supportive older has ’. Starting to acknowledge his illness while he was in denial beforehand his.! Probably change: ( place to vent, or more, trusted people be... Very sorry about this hello to him always wondered if that kind of stuff would help who has dementia you. To all of those who have relatives who suffer from any form of dementia are more hereditary than.. That we spared her reliving it again and again only in very rare cases can vascular be!
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